lonesome



''Solitude is painful when one is young,but delightful when one is more mature'-Albert Eistein

 Tonight I can't sleep..so its good  to write anything to  lift some issue inside me.

In year 2011..hope life getting better..just work with a flow.People come and go most of the time.I don't give a damn if all my those rambling post is nothing and surely will be the only me who;s read it.
I had attended some trip and most of my working days are filled with the meeting,discussion,seminar,gosh so exhaused of attend the meeting.Mind my language but i'm not the best,the brightest,the prettiest of all.Needless to say I have nothing to be proud of.With a tough days and two kids in my hand,life go on.
Most of my time,i'm pack with my daily routine,but then deep inside my heart,there's an empty space that can never be filled.There are some place inside me that can never be replace..
"Where have all the good men gone And where are all
the gods? Where´s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds? Isn´t there a
white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night
toss and turn and dream of what I need
 I need a hero I´m holding out for
a hero ´til the end of the night
He´s gotta be strong And he´s gotta be fast And
he´s gotta be fresh from the fight I need a
hero I´m holding out for a hero ´til
the morning light He´s gotta be sure And
it´s gotta be soon And he´s gotta be
larger than life
Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach There´s
someone reaching back for me Racing on the thunder
and rising with the heat It´s gonna take a
superman to sweep me off my feet
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above Out
where the lightning splits the sea I would swear
that there´s someone somewhere Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain And
the storm and the flood I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood..

maybe a hero like this..

 

or someone like him

...Someday feel life can never be complete  without love-
#someone to love and being love by someone.#
This statement would neither earn respect from your friend nor wish people around you to applaud.
This no no wisdom statement would make you either as a stupid woman who then will be labelling 'moron'woman live and die for the man',psycho or the 'fragile  woman on earth'.Then there will be a card to place on your table- 'be strong','love yourself is the most precious' bla,bla...
So most of the woman will ignore these sign of ..try to be strong as the words plastered in their head is - 'nothing smell worse to a man than a desperate woman'..haha..
The  period of longing  for a presence of a knight in shining amour,a hero to find a damsel in distress,and a superman to swept off the feet is like to wish an a genie appear from the old lamp..
Why i'm only 34 but I felt like a hundred years old....With no social life and tired old woman appearance,thats exactly what i felt.
This is not a complaint..but I will be dead with this feeling.
With the fat rose from 40% to 60% to cover my body..thats the bonus. (argh can't you stop complaining and working on it).Yeah,this is my true feeling, and the would never be a surreal feeling than this.
 I know and I am fully aware of the guideliness to lighten up your life:

a.Do the thing you love
b.Fill your day with the support group,club and hobbies
c.Look upon your future,not the past
And many more.
The choice is yours and yours alone.

Don't give a damn.Everynight I went to bed,I dream of living in Europe.haha..nice.We will be together and live happily ever after.(this is the most ridicilious thing I ever posted).keep on dreaming.
There's some incident that I wish would never occured at the first place like encounter  your old boyfren that you've been dumped a years ago.Its just will make life more miserable (i wish you you dead and burn in the hell).For that,don't ever try to undercover in fb just want to know my latest update.I had block you and I have nothing to do with you anymore.Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me.
You are the creature I hate most in my life.To see your face from a far alone can make me nausea.

So please get lost!! 
One thing i'm sure and trust myself  200%  is that once your true love(not 1st love) is gone,there will be never be a subside or amendment can be made.glass only fill half empty.
Don't give a damn.
Most of   my days and my life are good,bless and i had everything that one woman can asked for.
La di da di da....

  Nowadays I am playing this damn good song. You belong to me version by JasonWade over and over..even there's no one belong to me.

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me ...
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me '''
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me ...

My very own qoutes line refer to my die alone issue  is:
"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,but to see who cares enough to break them down"